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Post by kade trent on Aug 15, 2009 22:48:20 GMT -5
kade trent.
and i don't feel like i'm strong enough.
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-----Things were spinning out of control. He knew it; everyone fucking knew it. No one’s life was easy, or perfect, no matter how hard they tried to make it look that way. The people here were no exception to that, but it seemed that they were really getting the short end of the stick when it came to luck or even happiness anymore. Grace was not living up to its name. It seemed more like Cursed, Damned, Forgotten. Anything but what it was actually called. As Kade sat and pondered this, he wondered how many other people had thought about the irony of the town’s name lately, and if anyone had ever thought of turning the “Welcome To Grace” sign into “Welcome To Hell.” It wouldn’t be that hard. Just a can of spray paint, and it would be done in just a matter of seconds. Not that he would be the one to do it; Kade had sunken to an all time low lately, but he was above tagging signs and stupid shit like that. That was something that a high school version of himself might have done for a small thrill, a night out with the boys as they were looking for something to do in a town where it was easy to get bored. He was bored now, but it was daylight out, and as it was said before, he would leave the sign for someone else to mess with, if anyone else ever thought of it like he did. Kade was once again alone in his house, looking out his bedroom window at the cloudy morning he had woken up to. It looked as though the skies would open up and pour buckets of rain at any moment, and there was fog lingering. It felt damp, like it might have rained last night. Kade had taken pills and chased them down with alcohol, inducing such a deep sleep that he probably would have slept through anything. Rain wouldn’t have fazed him one bit.
-----A sigh passed through his lips as he turned away from the window, his hazel eyes surveying his room. The bed was unmade, and there were some articles of clothing strewn about. Cassandra Adams had been here last night, her and Kade spending a few hours tangled together in his bed before she had left late. Cass was a pretty girl with a heart stopping smile. She was kind, but she was nothing that Kade took seriously. She was heartbroken, and even if he wouldn’t admit it, so was he. They were a good match for one another at the moment, and they sought comfort in that common thing they shared. She had at one time dated Hunter, and loved him. But, her mistake had been falling into Kade’s arms a few times instead of Hunter’s, causing her to lose him and she never got her chance to try to make it better. Kade had known that he had been sleeping with his baby brother’s girlfriend, but it hadn’t stopped him. Being with her now, and remembering doing such an awful thing to his brother that was now dead, often caused him to resort to methods as he had used last night to fall asleep quickly. That way, he didn’t have to think about it. Now, in the morning light, there was no hiding it. Cass had been here, and now she was gone. Kade didn’t know when she would be back, or even if she would. Tonight, some other woman may share a bed with him. These days, he never knew. He just did things without really thinking about them anymore. Like sleeping with Samantha Rose on occasion, when he knew she was with Brandon Orsino and that it would probably piss of Jacen. Or like sleeping with Jodi Ames, a girl that was underage and seriously misguided by Kade himself. Yeah, he was totally fucked, and part of him didn’t give a damn about it.
-----He had put on his boxers and a pair of sweats before going to the window, and now Kade went around the room, picking up what was on the floor and tossed them into hampers. He then sat down on his bed, taking out a cigarette and lighting it. Smoking really did nothing to help him anymore; Kade was on much harder drugs that gave him better escapes, but smoking was just a habit and something to do. His arm was still in a cast, so he was limited to what he could do, so smoking it was. As he sat there on the edge of his mattress, Kade saw a corner of a piece of paper peeking out from beneath his bedside stand. Not remembering what it was, he bent forward and pulled it out. Upon touching it, he knew what it was, but couldn’t stop himself from picking it up. He remembered letting it fall to the floor the other night, and thought it must have just gotten shoved under the stand during all that had been happening in that room lately. Kade didn’t like to revisit the letter he had written in the mine when he had thought that he was going to die. He had written it with such a depth, and such sincerity. These were supposed to be his last words, the only thing that would be left, and he had felt such a relief in knowing that. There had finally been a light at the end of the tunnel, and Kade had written with almost a hope fueling the words. It was written beautifully, Kade having a mostly unknown knack for putting words together well and actually being able to write. It read like an apology mostly, but it was gave the reader such an insight to Kade’s mind that they would have never gotten from him himself. It was meant to be that way; to give people the answers that they were looking for but he could never tell them. However, Kade had not died in that mine, and he had made sure that that letter had stayed out of sight. No one knew he had written one, other that Jared and Jacen. Neither of them had shared their letters, either, and Kade had every intention of burning his. But, he hadn’t been able to, and still wasn’t able to even though he had a lighter within reach.
-----The words seemed to leap off the pages at him, him facing the truth that he had realized for himself when faced with death, but had once again shoved deep down within himself and hid from every single day. “Dying doesn’t seem like an end anymore. It seems more like an escape, the last breath a sigh of relief that’s it’s all finally over.” He wrote of what his death should have been like, of what he guessed it would be like based on how Mike and Gary, and at that time he had though Jared, had died. It had seemed as though they had just fallen asleep. Kade had written that he was tired, and that he was done. He had said that he was sorry for not being strong enough. He wrote to Jocelyn, and apologized for all the wrong he had done her, and asked that remembered him for the good things, not the bad. To his two children, Evan, and then his unnamed daughter, he wrote that he loved them, and that he wished he could be there for them. “I wish I could have been the father that you both deserve.” He still wished that, still wanted it. To his siblings, he had said little other than another apology, and instructions to take care of the dog. He had told Taryn to keep being strong, and told Mykayla that she was his angel. To his boys, which included Tyler, Jacen, and Jordan, he wrote to keep moving and do better for themselves. Shaye’s section of the letter was bittersweet, a love letter cut short with a final goodbye. Kade truly loved that woman still, but didn’t let himself read what was written there for her. That was from a time when they would have been together, and that was gone now. He didn’t want to see the words that were proof of how much he loved her, and how much it was killing him not to be with her. The last person that he had written to was Brit. Her section of the letter was when he was starting to fade in and out, his hand writing slurring off the lines and the words running into one another, but it was still mostly legible. It was a thank you. “I love you, Brit. I hope you know that. Thank you. For everything.”
-----The letter dropped to the floor again, Kade standing up abruptly, putting his cigarette out in his ashtray before going to find a shirt. He pulled it on over his head, then hastily found a pair of socks and put them on as well. He dug his old running shoes out of his closet, put them on, and then he was down the stairs and out the door. Kade had played football for the better part of his life, and he had taken the sport seriously. He had gone and made a trail through the woods near the cabin and up along the Trent property line that was a full two miles long by the time it circled back around. Kade had ran that trail twice a day for a long time, but had given it up when work called for him to be up too early, or home too late. Now, that’s where he felt he needed to be. The trail started out behind the shed, but Kade had hit the ground already running. He had cleared it of all rocks and limbs, and surprisingly it was still in good shape. Not that much would have stopped him. Kade was moving fast, almost as though he were running away from it all and leaving it behind him. Like if he could just run fast enough, he could leave behind all of his problems, and they’d never be able to catch up with him. Cooper had started out running with him, but eventually the large dog gave up, got distracted, and went elsewhere. When Kade was halfway, he felt the burn in his calves and lungs, but kept pushing through it. He wasn’t stopping for anything. His time was pathetic compared to what he used to be able to run it in, and he had a thought that laying off the cigarettes might help with that as he walked the last small stretch of it. He walked past the shed and into his house through the back door, pulling this sweat soaked shirt off over his head the best that he could, struggling only for a moment with the damn cast on his arm.
-----He went upstairs and straight into the bathroom, tossing the dirty shirt to the floor and turned on the water. Kade used his one good hand to splash it on his face, and then cupped what he could to get a few sips of it before he said to hell with it and gave up. He then went to go to his room, stopping short in the doorway when his eyes found a figure perched on his bed. There sat Brit Morgan, looking up at him. He was surprised to see her, as she hadn’t been around in a while. Kade was also surprised to see that she looked upset, or almost like she was crying, but then he saw what she held in her hands. His eyes met hers. ”You shouldn‘t have read it.” No one was supposed to ever read it since he didn’t die. Kade’s voice was almost threatening, anger sparking but dying just as quickly. Damn it.
tagged , brittany morgan.
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Post by brittany ward on Aug 23, 2009 17:01:30 GMT -5
BRITTANY NICOLE MORGAN
I'M FALLING APART, I'M BARELY BREATHING
WITH A BROKEN HEART THAT'S STILL BEATING
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BRIT DIDN’T SEE HOW THINGS in Grace could get any worse then they already were. She supposed some foreign government could decide to drop a bomb on them all, but it would be a pretty big waste of a bomb. And she didn’t see that as a likely possibility. They’d all already lost so much, and many were still trying to pick up the pieces of their lives. Because that’s what had been happening so often, it seemed. Everyone’s lives were being turned upside down and they were all having to fight to pick up all of the pieces. Many people were somehow able to move past it all. They were collecting their pieces and slowly shaping them back into something, instead of just a destroyed wreck with no purpose. Brit had watched Jacen deal with the mine disaster, and she had been whatever he had needed her to be. And now they were engaged. She was extremely happy about that, and so looking forward to a life with him that just the beginning of the summer hadn’t even seemed like a possibility. She watched Anna put everything back together because she had lost the one person that she had centered everything around. But Anna, seemingly to everyone’s surprise, was making it. She had had a bit of a rocky start, in which she hadn’t thought that it was possible to go on, but now she was making it. She was doing things, good things, for herself and her baby, and she had Tyler Orsino to support her, as well as her family. Anna was making this new future of hers work, and Brit herself couldn’t help but take a sigh of relief at that.
THE ONE PERSON WHO DIDN’T seem to be making it, though, was Brit’s best friend, Kade Trent. He had been failing so miserably that Brit couldn’t just wait and see if he would end up pulling it all together. Kade had always had his own way with dealing with things, but Brit wasn’t so sure that those things were working. She’s heard the rumors about his sleeping around, knowing that both Jocelyn and Shaye had turned on him. Where Jacen had had her, Kade didn’t. Brit couldn’t keep herself from feeling guilty about that. He was her best friend, and she had hardly talked to him at all. So she deserved the “worst friend in the world” award. She knew it, and she wouldn’t deny it. She wouldn’t make excuses, either, because that was just not her. Brit had taken care of things around the house that morning, rising early for once on her own, probably the first time in her entire life, and because of that, she found free time on her hands. She had thought about Kade in the past week many times, but she had never pushed herself into getting in her car and driving over to Kade’s. She had kind of been avoiding it, afraid that he would almost resent her for not being around as much as she usually was. When Brit had visited the small town every summer, she had spent a great deal of time with the man. They were close, and she cared about him a great deal. But this time, she had finally gotten the one thing she had wanted for so long: Jacen Ward. Jacen had taken up all her time it seemed, and though she had been here longer than the summer, she was starting to see that she hadn’t been around Kade at all, hardly. They had talked, of course, but she hadn’t seen him, and there was no way she could really know how he was dealing with anything unless she were standing in the same room with him, face to face.
SO BRIT GATHERED HER KEYS from the kitchen table and got into her car and drove to Kade’s house without giving herself a chance to decide to do something else. When she arrived, she noticed right away that he was there. She turned off her car and walked to the front door. Brit didn’t bother knocking, but tried the knob and, finding it unlocked, walked in. Given Kade’s reputation with the ladies, Brit should have always knocked when she walked into his house. Luckily, she had never walked in on Kade when he was otherwise occupied, but one day that could very well happen. She figured it was just a miracle that it hadn’t yet. She didn’t really think about that, though. Brit had always been at home in Kade’s home. She would show up when she was not expected, and no one would have ever thought all that much about it. She didn’t see Kade anywhere on the ground floor, so she made her way up the stairs, keeping her ears peeled for sounds that would tell her she should definitely turn around and get out of there. But it seemed that Kade was alone, and so she walked to his room without worry. Kade wasn’t in there, but he was in the bathroom, so she decided to sit on the edge of the bed and wait for him to come back out. As she was making her way to the bed, she stepped on something that was on the floor. It was a piece of paper. She leaned down and picked it up, glancing down at it. Usually Brit wouldn’t have read something of Kade’s, but after her eyes scanned the first line, she couldn’t stop herself. She sat on the edge of the bed, her eyes glued to the paper in her hands; the letter that Kade had written while he was trapped in the mine.
THE LETTER HAD TO BE the saddest damn thing Brit had ever read in her entire life. By the time she had reached the end of it, there were tears falling down her cheeks. The letter sure explained a lot, for sure. Her best friend was falling apart and she hadn’t even tried to help him! Well, that was going to have to change, she knew. She heard movement from the bathroom and looked up to see Kade standing in the doorway. He stared at her, then saw the letter that she was holding, one that she clearly wasn’t supposed to read. His eyes met hers. ”You shouldn‘t have read it.” She heard the threat and anger, but she also saw it die as she stared up in his eyes. And it wasn’t like Kade Trent’s angered scared her. She knew that, no matter what, Kade would never hurt her, and she knew that she could argue back just as easily. So she wasn’t supposed to read it. She had violated that, but Kade would get over it. “Maybe not, but it explains a couple of things.” She stood up and walked toward him, holding it out to him to take. “If you didn’t want anyone to read it, you shouldn’t leave it where they can see.” Her voice was level, her eyes never once leaving his. She definitely should have paid a visit before this. She should have come a lot sooner than this. She should have been visiting and hanging out the entire time since she had come back to Grace. But she hadn’t. She’d let her relationship with Jacen take over everything else. That had been a mistake, but she was going to fix it. “You want to talk about it?” It was phrased as a question, but Kade should know that Brit just wouldn’t let it go, especially after reading that letter. Anyone that looked at him could tell that Kade was a mess, but Brit knew him better than she had ever known anyone, sometimes even herself, and she knew that it was all much worse than what the outside presented. She would get him to talk. She was completely confident about that, too, and it was there in her eyes.
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Post by kade trent on Aug 29, 2009 20:30:28 GMT -5
kade trent.
and i don‘t feel like i‘m strong enough.
___________________________________
-----Walking into his home and finding Brit Morgan there was nothing new to Kade. That wasn’t what he was upset about at all. Kade and Brit had been raised together at the start, and even though they were often separated during the school year, they were always together during the summers. Kade didn’t know what it was about the girl, but he had always had a liking for her, and always looked out for her when they were younger. He still watched over her the best that he could, but they were all older now. It was harder to hover without actually seeming to do just that. And, lately, Kade had a hard time taking care of himself, let alone try to watch out for the well being of everyone else. But, the thing with Brit was that she was one of his very closest friends. Even when she wasn’t around, Kade knew that all he had to do was pick up the phone and give the girl a call. She knew the same was true with him, and the two had been like a lifeline to the other for as long as Kade could remember. Lately, though, their lives had been taking them in very different directions. Kade was now a father to two children, and going through so much due to the mine explosion and the loss of his brother. Kade was literally spinning out of control, while Brit now had Jacen Ward to occupy her time with. Kade had never once thought that she had abandoned him as a friend, though. He understood perfectly. Jacen was a great guy, another of Kade’s close friends, and Brit needed to be happy. Kade would rather her spend her time with Jacen than be stuck with him as he sulked and fucked up his life.
-----That wasn’t to say that her absence wasn’t felt, though. Kade always had a soft spot for the girl, and when she wasn’t around, things never felt quite right. Even so, he knew that none of what was going on was her fault. Her being around more often probably would not have prevented his drug abuse, and there was no one that could help get him out of this rut but himself. Brit was a major part of Kade’s life, and maybe her reading that letter and seeing what was truly wrong was a good thing, but in that moment Kade couldn’t see it that way. That was his letter, a window wide open and too much of a good look into what was going on inside of him. That wasn’t meant to be read now; it was meant as a goodbye. He should have fucking burned it while he had the chance. Not that that helped now. Brit had read it, and it seemed like Kade was absolutely stuck. He couldn’t fight with her, and he couldn’t stay mad at her. He was too rundown both physically and mentally for either. “Maybe not, but it explains a couple of things.” Kade knew that it did. That was the letter’s purpose. It was an apology, his way of trying to leave behind something worth remembering instead of what people had seen. Though, he knew that it probably wouldn’t have helped all that much. People were going to think whatever they wanted to. Just because he was able to jot down a few touching lines in the moments when he thought that he was going to die didn’t mean he was any better of a person. Jocelyn might have not hated him as much as she had. Shaye might have forgiven him. Evan and Ava might not have looked at him as the asshole that was, unfortunately, their father. But, even so, Kade would have been remembered for what he had done. No one would have cared what that letter said. At least, that was his opinion.
-----Why he had even bothered, or thought it would make a difference was beyond him. “If you didn’t want anyone to read it, you shouldn’t have left it where they can see.” He clenched his jaw as she said this. It wasn’t like he was really expecting for anyone to be in his room while he was gone. If anyone would have entered, it would have been Jodi and she would have just turned around and left upon realizing that Kade wasn’t there. She wasn’t the snooping or prying type. Most of the time. Or, if she was she did it to where he didn’t know that she did. Whatever. “You want to talk about it?” Brittany said it as though it were a question, but one look into those dark eyes told him that there was no way that it really was a question. It was more like a hint, telling him that he was more or less backed into a corner and there was no way out except for talking to her about it. That sucked out loud. ”Talking about it is the last thing that I want to do.” Again, his tone was rough, one that was saying not to mess with him and one that most people would have respected deeply. Brit, however, knew better and was not often intimidated by Kade, no matter how scary or angry he got. Brit shot him this look that said that that was just too bad, because he was going to talk about it anyway. She probably would have said it, too, if not for Jodi slamming the front door as she entered. She called out Kade’s name, cheerful and Jodi-like as ever. Kade looked down at the floor, glad for the distraction that Jodi was bound to serve as. He heard her come up the stairs, and looked behind him as she approached. “There you are,” she said, in that tone that they usually used for one another. That glint was in her eye, and she came up to him and let her hand go against his bare skin, as he still had not pulled a shirt on. Then, it seemed to dawn on her that Brit was standing right there. She gave Kade a wink, excused herself, and then went to her room. It was only very obvious what would be happening later, and Brit probably didn’t approve. Oh well. Might as well piss her off now so that she can yell at him about it along with everything in that letter.
-----A sigh passed through his lips as he looked back up to Brit. It was clear that she didn’t like what she had seen, but maybe she wouldn’t tackle that one. After all, she knew how Kade was. Just because Jodi was underage didn’t mean shit to him. She was beautiful, and the sex was great. A win/win in Kade’s mind, even if his heart was still stuck on Shaye. Knowing that he wasn’t getting out of talking to Brit at least a little bit about that letter, Kade gave in. ”What is there to talk about, Brit? It’s all right there. That’s how it is. Nothing you say changes any of it.” He was trying to get her to drop it and just let him be. He knew that things were going to have to change; his coping skills were pretty much nonexistent and he was going to have to figure out how to go about getting some. He needed to get on the right track, and that was the point of what Brit said to him next. She didn’t go easy on him, as Brit was one of those people that wasn’t afraid to put Kade Trent in his place. Slowly, his defensive side failed and he could feel that exhaustion washing over him. He felt weak, and with Brit he wasn’t afraid to show it. He moved past her after she had said her piece, taking a seat at the end of his bed. He thought for a moment, trying to figure out the words. ”I know I’ve lost my way,” he started slowly. This could probably be seen as an understatement. ”And I’ve tried to go back so many times, but I never get it right.” He looked up at her then, and what she would see there was not the Kade that she would remember. Kade had always been strong before, but now he was merely a shadow of who he had once been. ”I’m tired, and I don’t know how much longer I can do it.” Again he was faced with the thought that dying in that mine might have been better than surviving, and a fresh sense of weakness enveloped him. God. How did anyone come back from this?
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Post by brittany ward on Sept 2, 2009 20:20:07 GMT -5
BRITTANY NICOLE MORGAN
I'M FALLING APART, I'M BARELY BREATHING
WITH A BROKEN HEART THAT'S STILL BEATING
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BRIT HAD NEVER BEEN AFRAID of Kade Trent. They had been friends for so long. There were bigger people than her that would cringe at a glare from Kade Trent. Kade could be mean and hateful if he wanted to be, and he could yell louder than most people that Brit knew. She had never really ever been a victim of the man’s temper, but she wouldn’t have flinched or backed down if she was sure about what she thought as right. That didn’t mean that a part of her didn’t flinch just slightly at hearing the angry tone of his voice or the look of anger she saw briefly in his eyes. They were best friends, though, and Kade had never ever been able to stay mad at her for long, just as she could never stay angry at him. At that present moment, Kade was backed into a corner, with no way out. She wouldn’t let him avoid her, and she would stay there until he finally got fed up and talked to her. She could be quite annoying and persistent if she wanted to be. ”Talking about it is the last thing that I want to do.” Of course it was, but that didn’t mean squat to her. His tone told her to leave it alone, not to mess with him. Had she not known Kade Trent like she did, she would have heeded that and left it alone. But she did know him, and she shot him a look that said everything. It was too damn bad that he didn’t want to, and that he was going to do it anyway. She was getting ready to put the words with the look, too, but then the front door slammed and she was deterred. A cheerful voice called for Kade and then made her way through the house and up the stairs to the room that Kade occupied. Brit didn’t recognize the voice, but when she stepped through the door she knew immediately who she was.
JODI AMES WAS FAIRLY FAMOUS around Grace these days. Her parents were hardcore Christians and followed their faith to the fullest extent. Her father was a minister. Jodi, however, wasn’t the good little Christian girl that everyone had thought she was. Kade Trent had gotten his hands on her a couple years back, and she had never been the same since. Jodi was a nice girl. Brit had talked to her from time to time, but she had been all too willing to enter into Kade’s way of life, and so the two of them couldn’t see eye to eye on just about anything. Brit did like her, though. But things hadn’t been so great for Jodi lately. She had been discovered by her parents, and because she was not following the path they had lain out for her, they could no longer call her their daughter. It had been harsh and cruel, and Jodi had been lost for a while. But Kade, being the source of her current problem, offered her a place in his own home. “There you are,” she said in a tone that Brit could very much recognize. She put her hands on him, and it was very clear that she expected something. It was a relationship that Brit could pretty much figure out, and that she didn’t totally approve of. It just further showed that Kade had really strayed off the road he’d been on before Joce and Shaye had left him. It was then, though, that Jodi seemed to realize she was there. “Oh! Sorry!” She grinned and winked at Kade, then excused herself and left the room. Brit heard the door shut behind her. Kade sighed and looked back up at her, and Brit had to resist the urge to cross her arms at him. She would never tell Kade how to live his life, but she was certainly not above telling him when he was wrong.
BRIT KNEW HOW KADE WAS, and maybe that was part of the problem. She should be used to this kind of behavior, but she had been so sure that Kade was finally getting somewhere. When people lose faith in you, though, you can fall from grace in a none too pleasant way. ”What is there to talk about, Brit? It’s all right there. That’s how it is. Nothing you say changes any of it.” Maybe not, but that wouldn’t stop her from trying. “Maybe not, but even you have to realize that you’ve lost your way, that you’re not even close to being on the right track.” He moved past her and took a seat on the edge of the bed. ”I know I’ve lost my way.” That was an understatement, but Brit refrained herself from saying so. ”And I’ve tried to go back so many times, but I never get it right.” When he looked up at her, it just about broke her heart. He was broken and hurt, and that just wasn’t something you associated with Kade Trent. He was always so strong, but in that moment, he wasn’t. ”I’m tired, and I don’t know how much longer I can do it.” That right there scared her. It scared her more than anything else he had said, more than anything else he could have said. After everything that had happened with Anna, she wasn’t liking the way this look. Remembering what had happened to Anna, what she had done, and just imagining Kade having those kinds of thoughts was enough to spark anger in her that was both fierce and unexpected. She stalked across the room without any thought and stopped next to Kade, bringing her hand back and slapping him across the face much harder than she had expected. When he looked up at her, he was bound to see a lot of different things. She was angry, she was hurt, and she was scared. The thought of losing Kade Trent for Brit was just more than she could ever even think about.
SHE STARED DOWN AT KADE for a moment, registering the look on his face. She took a deep breath, unable to remove the glare from her face. “Don’t you dare say that!” Her voice was so cold that even surprised her. She didn’t know if she could ever believe that Kade would actually commit suicide, but the possibility scared her. If someone got down enough, anything was possible, but she didn’t want to think about it. At all. “You want to find your way back? Then open your eyes and take a good look around! There are so many of us that care about you, but that doesn’t even seem to matter to you! Jocelyn cared about you, but you just couldn’t be satisfied with that! You love Shaye, and yet you chased her away! If you really wanted to find your way back, then you would stop fucking everything up and think before you acted!” He had fired up a part of Brit that hadn’t been there in a very long time. She was an easy person to get along with, and she stayed away from curse words as much as possible. But all of this had been too much, and she couldn’t keep it all back. “Shaye left you for the drugs. If you really wanted her back, you would quit. You would give them up! Or did you not mean anything you wrote! Did it only mean something when you were dying?” Of course she knew it didn’t, but she wanted to poke and push every button she could find. She was angry at him, and it would satisfy her more than anything if he got angry right back. “The answers to all of this are just so simple, but your too fucking weak to even try to make everything right! Is this the memory you want to leave behind for your children? That you were too weak to even try? That you just gave up?” She paused for a second, judging him and letting her words sink in. “And if you think I’m going to let your ass waste away like this, you’ve got another thing coming!” She took a deep breath, then instantly felt the tears come to her eyes. She pushed back, not wanting them to fall.
BRITTANY WALKED OVER TO THE bed and kneeled down in front of Kade, reaching out slowly and taking his hands in hers, not wanting him to think that she was going to slap him again. She was quiet for a second, trying to keep herself calm and her tears from falling also. She looked up into his eyes. “You are better than this, Kade,” she said with the fierceness still in her voice. “If anyone can overcome this, you can. But you have to want to.” She was hoping more than anything that she was getting through, and that she was making him think. She wanted him to be okay, to be happy. “I love you, Kade,” she said softly, remembering the last line of his letter. She wasn’t just saying it, though. She meant it. “You are my best friend, and I need you here because when Jacen gets on my last nerves I know you’ll be here to tell me how right I am, even if I’m wrong. And that you’ll put me in my place when I need it. You can’t do that if you don’t try, Kade.” The tears were there now, stronger than she could hold them back. He was like family to her. He always had been. He meant so much to her by holding the position as her best friend, and she wouldn’t let him slide any further downhill than he already had. She would help him find his way back. She would help him in any way that she could. But he had to want her to help. He had to want to help himself.
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